I Call Bullshit on Life Balance

Do you have life balance? I sure as heck don’t.
As women, we are always looking for balance in our lives. For time to get everything done on our to-do list and still have time for ourselves. To respond to the tons of demands on us with excited energy and a smile. To be the best Mom, partner, supporter, lover, employee, friend, daughter, sister…I could go on.
Here’s why I’m calling bullshit.
Because life balance doesn’t exist.
Yet we keep looking for it, thinking that we must just need to work harder to get there. “That must be why we can’t get it all together, right? Because we’re not working hard enough?”
We use our failures as motivation. The pressure keeps piling up and stress becomes our new buzz word. And we still can’t find that bloody life balance.
We rub it in even farther when we compare ourselves to others. Ever found yourself looking around and thinking “Wow, Cathie Perfect does it all, what the heck is wrong with me that I can’t get it all together?”  
Truth is, we don’t see what goes on in other women’s lives. All of us have things that we don’t necessarily share with the world, and our so-called “failures” usually fall in that category. I wish that women could be more vulnerable and honest with each other to help yank down barriers between us but that’s another topic. Don’t get fooled into thinking that someone else is perfect, and better yet, don’t get fooled into comparing yourself to anyone, period.
Being on the turbo-bitch hunt for life balance is nothing short of crazy-making! (Turbo bitch was my husband’s term for me when I ran around like a mad woman thinking that I needed to do it all. Thanks honey…)
Realistically, if you are trying to do everything based on society’s standards of a perfectly balanced life, you’re not going to get there. And if by some crazy ass chance you get everything done the way you think it “should” be done, you’re not going to be able to sustain it.
Life balance isn’t about getting it all done perfectly all the time. It’s about being connected to a feeling of peace. It’s the energy of doing the best you can at your job without it keeping you awake at night. It’s the warmth and joy you get when you spend quality time with your family focused on only them without constantly checking your smart phone. It’s the recharge that you get when you do things that matter to you, even if you have to say no to someone to get there. 
Life balance is not about who we should be, that’s for gremlins and finger-pointing relatives. Life balance is about knowing the gremlins and finger-pointing relatives are there, and still being confident and ok with your own choices.
Life balance is about how you want to be in peace with yourself. 
I have learned how to balance my life Dianna style and encourage you to do the same. Ready to get out of the bullshit life balance rat race?
Be clear about how you want to feel. Striving for life balance can make you want to pull your hair out. I want control over my own time and energy, and I want breathing space. I am connected to the feeling that I have when I am there, and it’s way different than the pain of pulling out my hair. Let your feelings trump you to-do list any day.
Create your own definition of balance, on your terms. Even if Facebook or Cosmo says differently, you don’t have to believe their version of what a balance life looks like. You don’t have to be a super mom, or have your houses in pristine condition 24/7. You get to call society on it’s restrictive confines of women and give balance your own definition.
Know what is sacred to you and don’t let anything screw with it. This is where you head to your deep core. What are your “musts” because they strengthen you and your relationships? Regular body movement or exercise? Date night? Tucking in your kids? Or maybe just self care time to recharge. Whatever it is for you, do yourself a favor and don’t let it be messed with. Know your non-negotiables.
Give yourself permission to say no, or to say later. Part of why life balance on other’s terms isn’t achievable is because there are always more demands. You’re going to get the pulls to add in more to your schedule and to your life. You can say no, or you can do part of it, or you can do it on a day when the kids aren’t throwing up. Demands are nothing more than requests, and you have the right to determine your response based on what works for you.
Just do the best you can. Operate from your deep core, be aligned with what works for you and what doesn’t. That goes for your schedule too. Be flexible enough so that crazy stuff doesn’t send you into a gremlin-filled place of judging why you have never won the local balanced life award. Manage it, instead of it managing you.
It’s taken me some time to figure this stuff out and even now I get torn by what I think I should do over what I know would work for me. Sometimes I mess up and make decisions that leave me over-extended or filled with worry. And while it doesn’t feel good at the time, it’s my reminder to start again.
And I’m ok with not being perfect. Because I know that even when I mess up, I am not a failure.
Life balance is one of those terms that I get pissy about, for sure. I wonder what it would it be like to accept wherever we are in life, right this minute…loving ourselves enough to know that we are perfect wherever we are on our path? And then basing our actions and decisions on that?
Next time you feel less than “on it” in the area of life balance, know that you can decide to change things up with every new day and make it work for you.
ps. I’m looking for a name change for “life balance”. Any suggestions?
 
With much Sunday love,