Love said to me,
There is nothing that is not me.

-Rumi

 

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Is this a great day for you?  Or a bullshit day?

Sure, there are plenty of women who are in loving relationships that think this is the best day ever.

And then there are women who feel like they’re missing out on the best day ever because they don’t have a significant other in their life.

If you fall into either category, Valentine’s Day probably has you by the hair.  For the love of all holy, STOP letting it.

Stop letting this day, or any other day, guide your choices and determine how you feel about yourself.

Valentines Day plays games with you.  It’s really just another big story that we measure ourselves against.  But the good news is that regardless of whether you are pumped about love day or not, you get to use your understanding of your deep core to manage it like you manage any other circumstances in your life that may or may not suck.  Here are a few tips for keeping Valentines Day real for all of us.

Remember that love starts with you (click to tweet).  Today and every day.  If you want it in your life, live it, breathe it.  Give love whenever you can.  Be it.  Lead with love.  Let love guide your decisions.  Ask the question “If I were operating from a place of love, what would I do?”

Remember that love shows up in many different ways and that leading with love does not mean trashing your boundaries, forgetting what’s important to you, or letting others walk all over you.  You know your deep core, right?

Actively love yourself (click to tweet).  Yes, that’s a huge cliche but it’s one worth repeating.  Loving yourself is at the very centre of your ability to accept who you are in all your beautiful messiness.  It’s the foundation that lets you make healthy choices that really work for you and helps you stop worrying about shit you can’t change.  It lets you enjoy your life, your relationships and even your old Uncle Marv that sometimes can be a big pain in the ass.

But you don’t get to just say you love yourself, that’s too easy.  Get active.  Affirm your love for yourself daily.  Honour yourself by doing things that support you and your deep core instead of things that chip away at your sense of self.  Say yes to things that are gestures of love, acceptance and compassion to yourself, and say no to things that are not.

If you’re in a shitty relationship, deal with it (click to tweet).   Sometimes we let the “day” overshadow what we feel every other day of the year.  It’s like we think that one special day that is meant to celebrate love, erases all the hurt, the pain or the negativity that you may experience in your relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, even when things are rocky in a relationship, stopping to remember the love is huge.  But a Valentine’s Day with jewelry and make up sex does not make for a happy relationship.  Do the work you need to do to make your part of the relationship better and expect the same from your partner.  If that is too much, you get to choose when to call it quits.

If you’re single, stop looking for what’s wrong with you (click to tweet).  Sometimes we don’t fit with what society tells us we should have, look like, or be.  Women get hit really hard by the “I don’t have a partner, kids, a picket fence” syndrome, in part because that’s what’s expected of us.  You are not imperfect because you may not fit the norm.  It’s just not your norm.  You are perfect.  You are in the right place for you in this very moment.  Being different does not equal being wrong or unloveable.

If you want to bring more joy into your life, stop looking for the marriage, spouse, partner (click to tweet) and simply cultivate relationships that make you feel good.  What does your deep call tell you that you need to be present in a relationship for you to feel happy and content?  Is it hanging with people who value loyalty, love and respect? Is it people who honor commitment and like to laugh  so hard they wet their pants?  Coles note tip…it’s likely people who share your values.

Being in those relationships will be fulfilling and fun so just enjoy the human connection and let it evolve as it may.  Take the ‘effing pressure off.  Have no expectation of what has to come of it for you to be whole.  You’re already whole so enjoy the connection for what it is in this very moment.

Here’s my call to action.  Go get yourself something special to celebrate today, as you can every single day you are on this earth.

Celebrate with people who you have relationships with.  Celebrate with yourself.

Celebrate love in all forms.

Celebrate that you have a choice to stop hanging on to ever verse you read in a Valentines Day card or every sappy jewelry commercial on TV.  Celebrate that you have the choice and the strength to be in relationships that work for you.

Celebrate all the love in your life, starting and ending with you.

Chocolate and champagne are my go to celebrators.  I’m totally on it.

And leave a comment about how you celebrated with the CML community of diy ass-kickers!

Dianna xo

 

Dianna Leeder is thewomenscoach@cravemorelife.com.

If you like what you just read, head over to cravemorelife.com and get her free ebook “21 Tips to a Craved Life”.