I love Valentines day. But I know there are so many women who dread it.

I love it because it’s one huge reminder that love is something that should be cherished, enjoyed, and celebrated. 

If you are a woman who is single by chance or by choice, by now the overwhelm of retail marketers jamming dinner, diamonds, steamy sex, and candy down your throat, may have left you feeling rather shitty. 

Please. Don’t numb those shitty feelings by going out and hooking up with a random someone to have sex with. Or by drinking that whole bottle of wine on your own and crying to the Notebook. Or by second-guessing your decision to end it with the person who was less than stellar with you.

That’s taking those shitty feelings and shoving them down inside where they won’t see the light of day. No feelings deserve that.

Truthfully, you are whole whether you have a significant other in your life or you don’t. And if you are unhappy about any of that for yourself, change starts with understanding and acknowledging that parts of your life you want to change.  

So what do you do when you are dying a little inside that everyone you know has someone to cuddle with tonight?

Start working your days, not just today, but all your days. 

Let’s call it Love Day to Infinite. Love is what you really want to feel, yes?

Make a list of all the places you can find love in your life, right now. All the people you come into contact with, all the things you do to connect with those people, and how you build and support your relationships with them. 

There is love in all human connection. Those other humans are people who you love and love you back. Even if it’s not the love that traditional Valentines Day says it “should” be. 

You wouldn’t be a diy Ass-kicker if you always did what you “should”.

Because love is the relationship you have with the elderly person next door who needs you to shovel their walkway.

Love is the messages you give with your kids or grandkids, teaching them that real love isn’t about social expectations and that shame is a powerful isolator for all of us.

Love is the person who holds the door for you as you go into Starbucks and love is you as you pay it forward.

Love is not body shaming anyone, but looking beyond their physical appearance to what’s in their hearts.

Love is the women you connect with for the common goal of ensuring your feminist freedoms, as we are pigeon-holed into being something that is less than equal.

Love is that connection with your kids, the unconditional love that, even when you’d like to hand them to that judgey person at the mall because they think they know better, will never ever stop.

And love is how you show up for yourself every day, recognizing when shit is not sitting right with you and saying a simple “No thank you” to it.

Love is right in front of you, so fucking celebrate it. 

Have one of those lovely intimate dinners with it. Toast that you have love in your life (and if you question if you have any, keep looking honey, it’s there). Say a big ole thank you to whatever your higher power is, that your eyes are open to love and all the joy that comes along with it. 

And make a commitment to yourself to show the most important person more love right now.