How I got away with hiding
Hey diy Ass-kickers!
I used to hide all the time.
We’re not talking kid stuff here, I hid as a full grown adult woman.
And contrary to what you might be thinking, I didn’t hide because my life was shitty.
Hiding was never about what I had, because on a scale of 1-10, what I had was always pretty damn close to that 10. There was very little that I could have asked for.
Yet I kept hiding. Hiding from my own value and self-worth, and from the social judgements that I was convinced were right outside my back door.
I lived that same pattern for years. Never wanting to make a mistake or to be less than the woman I “should” have been.
And I got away with it because I told myself that being perfect, pleasing everyone around me, and making sure I was right up there with other women who looked like they had their shit together, were my markers for success.
In that moment, as nutty as it must sound, I was sure it was ok, that I was ok and that I was doing what women were supposed to do. No drama, no conflict, just getting stuff done.
But in all that, I forgot a very important thing.
I forgot that I didn’t need to be the happiest wife, the most loving mother, daughter and sister, the loyal employee giving all she had to the cause, and the best friend who was always there when you needed her.
And I forgot myself.
I never ever asked myself what other choices I could be making, because I thought I was making the right ones.
I gotta tell you. That was one crock of shit!!
TRUTH: what you think is right for you, isn’t always right for you.
The only thing that ever made me rethink my pattern was that niggling in the back of my mind. It took me some years to figure it out, but I knew something was just not right.
You know the niggle. That’s the Universal pay attention niggle that turns into a tap on the shoulder, then a push or a shove, and inevitably a smack that knocks you right on your ass. My own personal niggles went to the highest possible level. I wasn’t going anywhere without a fight!
I bet you can relate to the niggle. But are you paying attention to it? Or are you thinking that the way your life goes, is just the way life goes?
Start paying attention honey, because your reality, or the way your life goes, has a tendency to bold face lie, giving you a million reasons to ignore your niggle.
Did you ever watch the old movie Liar Liar with Jim Carey? Can you imagine how our lives would go, if we were unable to lie about anything that we were feeling or wanting? Ok, I know you would never been as inappropriate as Jim but I’ll bet things would change up pretty damn fast for you if you tried it.
Back to the niggle. If all you’re getting right now is the tap on the shoulder, don’t ignore it as being a minor hiccup that you just don’t have time for.
Likewise, don’t ignore the escalating pushes or shoves either. If there is something you’re ignoring behind the niggle, you’ll get reminded until it’s dealt with.
And If you are seeing a trend in things that are happening to you, things that compelling you to rethink your choices or your place in your world, puleeeeze don’t ignore that either.
The big smacks in the head? They can be “how it goes” game-changers and not always in a good way. Have you ever hear yourself say “Why does this keep happening to me? I’m not sure I can handle any more!”. Well congrats! You’re probably at the level of big smacks.
You don’t need to spend one more day hiding from who you really are or what you really want. Big or little, it’s about conscious choice, not hiding.
You just need to pay attention to the niggle, it hold the secrets to what you need that you’re not getting. It will help you figure out where and why you are hiding.
Not hiding is showing up as the real you and asking for what you need.
Not hiding is letting others see you as you are, even with those so called gendered emotions that we women are not supposed to show.
Not hiding is refusing to be hog-tied by a standard of life that leaves you with the niggle, the tap, the push or shove, or the even big smack.
Make this your summer of not hiding.
Start making a list of where you know you hide and decide how you can break out in ways that show a shit load of love for yourself and your life.
Spend time pulling apart what “the way it goes” and the niggle have both brought you.
And since coming out of hiding is really an ongoing practice, I’m right there with you.
Ready or not, here we come!
