I often get women coming to me for coaching support because they just don’t feel good about themselves or their lives.

And as we begin the process of digging for answers, the common theme for most of those women upon reflection is that their lives are not their own. They are in a constant tug of war with more pulls at the opposing end than on their own.

We look after everyone around us, and regularly do for others before ourselves. Our needs are taking a back seat. And for many of my clients, they think that’s just the way it’s supposed to be. We’re women, right?

Then suddenly comes that nagging feeling, that sense of not being settled. And eventually they recognize that there are things happening in their lives that they aren’t ok with. Somewhere deep inside, there is the recognition that they need change.

Do you recognize when you need change?

If you do and you are getting some support, I applaud you. Life is way too fucking short to let it pass by while wallowing in discontent.

Maybe you recognize you need change, but it scares the living shit out of you. You probably are asking yourself…What has to change and how would I do it? What would others do or say about it? What am I risking by making change?

It’s normal to be afraid of changing, especially if you’ve been in the same circumstances for awhile. You may end the discussion in your head with the thought that you’re not ready. While I agree that you need to be ready to undertake the inner work needed to get on with the life you want to have, you may never admit to being ready. There might just be too much at stake.

But…consider a few things as you let each day pass by without having those feelings of joy that are within arms reach of all of us. (Yes even you, precious woman.) Without ending the day with a big hell yes thank you to the Universe for the beauty of your life. Without seeing the result of you making your mark on people around you with whatever special gifts you bring to the world. And as far as I can see, fulfilled women bring the best gifts ever.

Consider the number of times that you have broken promises to yourself to be true to your feelings. The number of times you have kept your opinions to yourself in case you ruffled someone’s feathers. The times that you engaged in drama that somehow never really felt right to you. The times that you were manipulated and that you manipulated right back, just to save someone from being hurt or getting pissed off.

All that will leave you believing your worth is forever less than most others, and your self respect takes a dive into the closest toilet. All your energy is going into holding up a facade of how you are supposed to act, a facade that will truly kick the shit out of you. The toll that is taken on your mental and physical health, your family and your community is bloody huge.

You may not be “ready” to make changes in your life today, or tomorrow. But you can start anyway. Baby steps are cool too.

Start by thinking about what is stopping you. Figure out where the messages that I know you are hearing in your head (the ones that keep you where you are) are coming from. Acknowledge them and consider what you might do with your life if you harnessed those little aholes.

Even if you don’t feel ready, it’s time to take control of your life to be as happy as you deserve.

Even if you don’t feel ready, you still need to look after yourself because no one else will.