Hey diy Ass-kickers!

I love reading (and writing) about forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an important part of our yummy self-care existence and is something that we all need to get a handle on.

Why? Because we all fuck up sometimes. If you’re not making mistakes, you may in fact be an alien and you might wanna get that checked out!

We all say the wrong thing at times. We all make bad choices. We all do things that we know bloody well are not good for us.

We, oh amazing one, are not perfect. Nor should we ever strive to be.

It’s never about one mistake or one bad choice. It’s how those fuck ups tend to build up in our minds and can mess with us in a big way.

We’re not good at forgiveness. We think that other people have to forgive us for our mistakes. (For a future blog but stop waiting for other’s forgiveness to let yourself off the hook…please!)

We think that if we don’t hold on to our mistakes we’re not taking responsibility for them, that somehow we deserve to feel the pain from them. We think that if we suffer it’s a reminder to us to behave like the good people we know we are. And we think that we can simply compartmentalize it all, tuck it away in our pockets and forget about it until we “need” to feel shitty about ourselves again.

Your fuck ups can leave you with some very yucky feelings, no matter where you stuff them.

They sneak up on you when you least expect it and work super well at pulling your mood and your experiences down. A pile of fuck ups (I’d like to meet anyone who has never made more than one) in our head or in our gut  are open season for our inner mean girls and that pile ain’t goin’ nowhere until you help it.

Forgiveness without intending to stop the behaviours doesn’t work. And I don’t mean to never again make a mistake. Now that’s alien!

I mean this. Taking action by intentionally using our deep core (personal values) as a base for operating, owning our behaviour by taking responsibility for it and forgiving our mistakes, is a process for self-managing to avoid feeling those yucky feelings.

Forgiveness starts with an understanding that you’re tired of feeling yucky about your past mistakes and you are ready to make a change, even if your most recent fuck up was just yesterday. You don’t want to hold on to them in your head or your gut anymore. You don’t want to be held hostage by them or your inner mean girls. And you don’t want to feel shitty about them anymore.

Let’s celebrate our fuck ups and all they have shown us about ourselves! You know that’s their actual purpose, right?

Forgiveness is shifting who needs to forgive you from others to yourself. If you need to apologize to someone, go for it. Don’t ask for forgiveness from them, just tell them that you are sorry for behaving in whatever way you are uncomfortable behaving that doesn’t fit with the woman you know you are inside.

Burying the feelings from past mistakes or bad choices doesn’t work.

Not having a plan for not repeating the same mistakes or the bad choices doesn’t work either.

Deciding to pull your fuck ups out from your back pocket, looking them straight in the eye and becoming their boss does.