Hey diy Ass-kickers
When you were a kid, did you play outside at night?
Did your family go camping? Did you wind up heading to the outhouse in the middle of the night? Did you use a flashlight to get you there and back to the tent?
My siblings and I spent tons of time playing outside when I was a kid, and I loved it. Even though I was in the very same places that I played during the day, there was something so exciting about the dark. But I never went very far without a flashlight. I wanted to see exactly where I was going.
That flashlight fully illuminated what was right in front of me and saved me from all kinds of perils. But of course, that flashlight was zero good in watching my back.
And that makes me think of a common habit that so many of the women I have worked with have. They are so busy trying to manage the day right in front of them, that they treat the past like it is in complete darkness, dead to them.
Many women don’t want to think about their past, as it may bring back shitty memories or shameful behaviors that they would rather not contemplate. Is that you too? Is it working for you?
There are two things about our past that I try to teach women following this blog and in 1-1 coaching with me. And they both start with illuminating the hell out of it. Shine the biggest, brightest flashlight strait on the shit that makes you uncomfortable. Not because you can change it, but because you need to accept and understand it in order to learn from it and move on.
Acknowledge and accept what is true in your past, no judgements, it’s just an act of accepting that it happened.
Think about why it happened, from where you sit. Not to judge or blame, just identify what you (and others) may have been dealing with at the time to make the decisions that were made.
Learn from your past. What lessons can you take from your experiences that actually serve you going forward? Serve you is the key phrase here, things like anger and hatred don’t serve you, but perhaps letting go of negative influences does.
Then take a huge breath and move that flashlight slowly forward to illuminate your future. You are a compilation of all that you have experienced. And with a clean slate, you can do the inner work to be clear on what you need to have the days, weeks, months and years you really want.
PS: I think I heard somewhere that a big box store has a sale on flashlights right now. Assuming you have trouble finding your own.