I work with women who are unhappy with their lives.
Usually that’s women who have had so much crap thrown at them over the years, they just can’t get to their happy place anymore. They just want peace.
Peace from the shitty ex-partner.
Peace from circumstances where they were treated badly.
Peace from the constant demands of life.
They talk about things like balance. If you know me, you know how much I dislike that word. It brings to mind a lovely quaffed women, perfect in every way. There’s not a hair out of place and she can manage the shit out of every single thing that comes her way. She’s amazing, and she’s hot too.
And when given the opportunity to describe what they want right out of the gate, most women think that all would be fine if they could just be like her.
(ps Personally, I don’t think she really exists. She sure didn’t when I was working full time, raising kids, keeping my relationship happy, and being the supportive daughter, sister, aunt that was expected of me. I often thought that I could save myself alot of grief if I only knew her secrets!)
But we can’t be like her and that’s a good thing, since we don’t know what happens for real in her life. She may have her own struggles and not be “balanced” at all. Plus we do ourselves a huge disservice thinking that we need someone else to tell us how to get to a place we’ve decided we want to be. Truth is that in order to feel content, fulfilled and happy we have to do the work ourselves.
No quick fixes, no cheat sheets, no Mary-Kay makeovers.
And that can be a bit of a surprise.
Because it’s easier to look outside ourselves for solutions to our problems. We assume that someone can do it better. We assume that we don’t have our own answers.
But we do.
We have all the answers that will allow us to figure out what we want from life, and how to take a loving stand for ourselves so we can live that life.
It’s the work of personal growth.
Doing the work is understanding that the world revolves around us, unfettered by our attempts to change or stop it, but it doesn’t have to define us.
It’s about looking at where we’re happy and where we’re not, then being brave enough to decide to change the latter for what we think is better.
It’s loving and believing in ourselves enough to put our needs and wants first, being totally scared shitless and going for it anyway.
It’s practice, practice, practice until we have developed new self-determined habits that serve us.
The work is hard. It’s scary. It’s gremlin-filled.
And it’s the best decision you’ll make in your entire lifetime.
So don’t be waiting for some imaginary woman to show you the way.
Look inside for the woman who you are right now, and ask her to go for a ride with you to a place of new beginnings, to your happy place.
You’ll love it.
Dianna xo
Dianna Leeder is thewomenscoach@cravemorelife.com/.
