Hey diy Ass-kickers
There is one big thing that I know well about myself.
I’m a lover, not a fighter. To me, relationships are just as important as the end result of a project, a process, or a life. In my world, relationships top my list of values and I spend considerable time working at keeping them in a state of equilibrium.
My intention is to make any process I engage in, business or pleasure, a good one. One where both parties feel heard and respected. One where both parties are engaged in an end result that’s positive. I rarely yell at people, I give people breaks when shit just happens, and I refuse to be that person who doesn’t give a hoot about the process and people along the way to getting a job done. I call those heart-led relationships.
I’m guessing you operate from the same place, yes? Women are famous for using our hearts to lead us in everything we do and determine how we do it.
Btw, if you are a heart-led person like me, I hope you’re bloody well embracing it because your heart is your power. Women get shit on all the time for being too emotional and therefore expected to be unable to play with the big boys in tough arenas. That’s a bunch of bullshit and it’s left so many women with no role, no respect, and no voice.
Know this. What you bring to any relationship is what you own and it’s a beautiful part of you that needs to be acknowledged and nurtured, and celebrated! I am proud to carry my heart on my sleeve and I don’t listen to my inner mean girl when she tells me I’m silly for tearing up while reading sappy greeting cards.
Don’t question it when your heart is leading you, love it and build your life around it. Tweet that!
Back to the tripping up.
Setting an intention and working towards a heart-led relationships doesn’t mean they all happen. Sometimes, like any other relationships, they can go south. We wouldn’t be human if that never happened. After all, we are just half of a relationship equation and we have no power over how another person responds or reacts to us. Zippo. Zero. None whatsoever.
Sometimes you work your ass off, showing up fully with acceptance and respect for the person and the relationship, and the other person decides to not play. Or maybe they play for awhile and you think it’s going pretty well, then they stop. They decide that they will play in some other way, leaving you to respond.
That’s the trip. How do you respond when your know you’re not getting what you’d intended, but your heart is still wanting it? When your relationships are as important to you as achieving whatever it is you are working toward in a relationship, you will struggle when others don’t come to the table with the same intent. You question yourself, you question your motives, you question how valuable you are to the process and then you feel shitty when it’s obvious that others don’t care about your heart.
So what do you do when that happens? Make notes, ladies, because this will happen again and again.
First of all, don’t assume that this is happening because you are a weak. You’re not. You’re operating from a place that you know is right for you. You are choosing a way of engaging that feels good to you, and you know that you are aligned with your values when you practice it. Remember that your deep core will never lead you down the wrong path.
Next, manage that inner mean girl. She’s gonna be giving you a rough time, and we all know that letting her nastiness get to you will leave you pretty far down the rabbit hole. Listen to her, say thanks a bunch and decide how you want to manage the relationship in your own way. In a way that connects you back to your heart and your values.
Remember that when your intention is to enhance relationships, you can apply that to yourself. Take that same process that you love to use with others, that heart-led loving acceptance and respect, and use it to support yourself with that same love and compassion.
Take care of yourself, that’s some self-love going on right there, honey.
Then you call it like it is.
You decide when enough is enough. Yes, that is your decision to make.
You decide when your kind heart has been taken advantage of (aka the other person isn’t gonna play the same way as you). Yes, that is your decision to make.
You decide when you are done. And yes, that too is you decision to make.
Then you turn all that respect and love inward and stand up for you and that heart of yours.
You can just say no. You can set clear boundaries for yourself that protect that heart and know exactly what you will do if they are crossed. And yep, you can end it, no matter what the fall out is.
You will know when you’re done. When enough is enough.
Because being a relationship person is a gift. A gift that not everyone has or understands. A gift that, since embracing it, has brought me incredible peace in my life.
How might your life be more peaceful if you embraced your’s?
