How many women do you actually know who don’t get fearful? Who have complete confidence in themselves and their path in life? Who are not held back in some way by their perception of themselves?
If you know someone, I’d love meet her and and do the whole coach thing to find what makes her tick.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that her secret to avoiding fear is probably known well by me, you and every other woman in the world.
Her secret is that she truly does get fearful. At times, she doesn’t have complete confidence in herself. She can be unsure about the path she is on in her life. And between her inner-critic telling her what to do, and her history-created beliefs she has about herself, she is sometimes held back from doing what she really truly wants to do and be.
Sorry if you thought I was going to tell you how to be her, just ain’t gonna happen girl!
That woman who is fearful is doing one of two things about it.
She may just hide it. And the best way to do that is to hide herself. She may look all together on the outside but she is being swallowed up and consumed by her fear of being outed for not being as together as her inner critics tell her she should be.
She secretly worries about what people think of her, is a perfectionist, finds comfort in numbing behaviors like TV, Facebook and alcohol or cigarettes. She compares herself to every successful woman she sees or goes looking for online, and she is quietly anxious all the time, probably experiencing physical symptoms to her stress. She is exhausted but doesn’t want to admit it and rarely says no. She is ALWAYS in control.
Or she may take a different approach. She may take every single day, every hour even, as an opportunity to experience her fear and walk with it in her hand. It’s not gripping her gut and making it twist into a nauseating mess, it’s just there in her hand because it is part of who she is. She knows that fear and inner critics are a natural part of her (and our) human existence.
And while she’s just allowing the fear to be with her, she decides that it’s ok for her to feel afraid and courageous at the same time. She doesn’t have to bend to her fear, but she also doesn’t have to let it define her, her actions, or how she feels about herself. She chooses in the moment, especially when challenged, to be her authentic self instead of a woman who’s body and head move but her heart isn’t with it.
She practices self-compassion that lets her be ok with not being perfect. She checks in with her deep core to get clear on what she needs any given day, so she knows she’s on the right track. She behaves in ways that are in sync with her values and participates in activities that feed and recharge her batteries and soul.
I see the past version of myself right here. Does, or did part of you live here too?
We all experience fear and get hung up on it. Life changed for me when I did my own inner work and figured out what the fear was, why it was there, and how to walk with it. I continue to learn and practice, and I will forever. That’s part of real life.
You’ve probably read (in fact I have blogged about this previously) that you have to walk through fear to have what you want in life. (click to tweet) That is absolutely true. But that’s not all you have to do because ignoring the fact that the fear is there in the first place, ignores what is underneath it’s skin.
I can’t encourage you more strongly when I say figure it out, all of it. The what, the why and the how. What are you afraid of happening? Why is that so scary to you? How do you think you developed the beliefs that lead you to believe that you should be afraid?
This isn’t easy or simple work. It is deep, emotional and a tough place to go. Get some help with it. This is the realm of coaching, or if you are more comfortable, therapy.
Understanding your reaction to fear will help you clear the cobwebs of what holds you back, what keeps you from living as you really want to, as you deserve to.
There will be no more use for secrets or hiding.
There will just be you, and you will be fucking rocking it.
What will you do this week to look underneath the skin of your fear?
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