Do you remember that saying…liar, liar, pants on fire?
It makes me sad to think about what a sting that is for a kid to hear. In today’s world, I wonder how a child could ever really be considered to be lying? Do most kids even have the capacity to lie?
But I don’t wonder that same thing about adults. We do lie, and we lie often.
It’s not usually a manipulative thing, it’s a protective thing. There is something that we don’t want to be truthful about, or something that we don’t want to be judged for. The end result? Our voices are silenced.
This may not be news to you but using your voice isn’t about letting words escape from your mouth. Using your voice is expressing the absolute truth of who you are.
Good thing there is no such thing as the voice police, or they’d be handing out tickets to women left, right and centre.
“Oh no, it’s ok. I’m fine.” When you’re not really fine at all, maybe you’re hurt, tired, sad or something other than fine.
“Sure, I’m available.” When you have a ton of things you want to do and want to take the time to do them.
“You can count on me to be here.” When you’ve slept poorly the night before and could really use a nap.
Any of that sound familiar? I’m positive that I’ve said all those same things in all those same circumstances.
Why do we lie to others like that? Why do we put ourselves behind the needs of the rest of the world? If I counted the number of times that women have told me about throwing themselves under the bus to avoid being honest with others and with themselves, I’d be advocating for buses to be taken off the road.
And why do we lie to ourselves? I get that we feel like it’s the lesser challenge for us. But is it really?
What about the resentment we feel when we’re not fully into the choices we make? What about the pain inside when we hide our own truth? What about the adrenal fatigue and other illnesses that come with us being misaligned with our truth? All that shows up whenever it cares to, and takes one hell of a toll.
Using our voices to speak our truth is not that hard, not if you decide to take on these 3 things: take ownership of you, your body, and your experiences; get to know yourself so well that you know exactly how you need to respond to people’s asks without feeling like a jerk, and; use both of those things to make conscious choices about what you do, and how and when you do them.
Think about that. Consider the weight that will be lifted with every honest response. Think about the freedom that lives somewhere other than under a bus. Think about the great sleep you’ll get when you stop lying to yourself.
Start with making a list of who you often say yes when you really want and/or need to say no. Consider your response from a place of honouring and protecting your needs, and how you might express your truth.
This isn’t a “fuck you” kind of list, it’s an honest reflection of where you put yourself directly in front of that bus. It’s slowly understanding how you can slide over to the patio on the sidewalk, the one with really nice table settings and pretty plants. 🙂
And one more thing. There is a reason why my 1-1 and group coaching work is called You’ll Get What You Want When You Find Your Voice.
Your real voice, of course! Click on it and check it out.
The patio is waiting.
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