Remember that time when you got into an argument with someone, maybe drama ensued, it was horrible and kept you awake at night.
Conflict sucks.
It sucks because we women are lovers, not fighters. I seriously think it’s not in our DNA to want to fight with anyone.
Yet we do end up in conflict, and usually for reasons other than what the actual argument was about.
Here’s how it goes. Someone says or does something and we make up in our heads what that means about them and about us. Then we respond from those thoughts.
So if you assume that someone is being rude to you, that may trigger an old wound from someone else disrespecting you. Or it highlights your value about being respected that you feel the other person has crossed.
The result…you either fire off in anger at the other person, or you passive-aggressively let them know without being direct that you’re pissed, or you isolate yourself from them (and your feelings) without ever resolving anything.
None of those things actually serve us well. Especially when what we really want deep down is simple: great relationships with other human beings.
It all comes down to what we do with our thoughts about the conflict.
- What if we acknowledged that conflicts are simply a difference of opinion?
- What if we accepted that the other person has the right to have that different opinion?
- What if we simply stated that we disagree without attaching emotion to it, accepting our own right to have a different opinion.
- What if we were clear that our own personal value has shit to do with other people’s treatment of us?
That might just lessen the conflict. That might just reduce the angst, tension and stress you feel about the conflict. That might just save the relationship, or allow you to determine if you want to be in a relationship with that person at all.
It doesn’t have to be messy. It doesn’t have to be full of drama.
But in order to resolve conflict in a way that serves your and your deep core, it should never be about you.
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