Have you ever been bullied? Minus the vision of the group of kids picking on the geek on the school ground.
I mean have you been bullied as a grown ass woman who knows her stuff and is fully capable of handling (most) everything that comes her way.
People aren’t always nice. They can say hurtful mean things. They can treat you with disrespect. And they can shove the gifts you bring to the world out of the way as they put a spotlight on themselves.
As much as I like to think good thoughts about all people while sending love their way, not everyone behaves like that. And most of them aren’t about to change just because we don’t like it.
Bullies show up in lots of places for us…at work, in the community, in our hierarchical relationships like with teachers or doctors, and they even show up at home. Every bully practices some narcissistic behaviour as they try to get their needs met in whatever way feels good to them, even if it means that they take advantage of other people in the process.
***A note about being bullied at home. Bullying is emotional abuse, and can lead to physical abuse. Don’t take chances, reach out to a local shelter or community agency for counselling and support. As someone recently coined “smell the smoke before your house is on fire”.***
Being bullied feels like shit, plain and simple. At first there is shock at being spoken to or treated in disrespectful ways, especially if we are respectful humans ourselves. Then comes the beating up of ourselves. And when we talk to ourselves negatively, pretty soon we believe it, even if it’s total bull.
“Why did I do that? Why didn’t I stand up for myself? They only treat me that way because they know they can get away with it. It’s my own fault because I won’t speak up.”
I’ve had my own experiences with bullies, usually with people in power that don’t like to be questioned. While most people can see the necessity of having a conversation about differences of opinions, bullies just like to shut you down fast by treating you like you are less than.
As a fellow diy ass-kicker, you know what all that means, right?
It means that managing the ahole bully falls on us. And it starts with knowing ourselves down to our deep core.
It’s on us to understand what boundaries the bully has crossed and why that’s a problem for us.
It’s on us to see where our values don’t align with theirs.
It’s on us to pay attention to our body responses to being bullied and use those as indicators of how you don’t want to feel.
And from there we can make some decisions…
Decide for ourselves if we need to challenge them and how to do that in a way that feels right to us.
Decide for ourselves if or when we stop engaging with them and walk away, once or permanently.
Decide for ourselves how we want to feel while engaging with other people and always, always strive to get there.
We can’t change, educate, or re-train a bully.
But we can respond with actions that we know work for us and leave us walking away with our heads held high.
Bully that!
Dianna xo
Ps Got questions about how to manage something specific in your life? Click Here, let me know, and I’ll answer them in this blog. Over Sunday morning coffee!
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