Stalled By Your Own Story

Hey diy Ass-kickers!
Today I’m responding to a question from a listener.
That question is “How does one get un-stalled”.
This listener says she isn’t moving forward anymore. She’s recently retired but wants tons more than the routine of a rocking chair on the front porch.
She’s pretty clear that she needs lots of social time, lots of connection to other people, and to use her skills to give back to the community, but says her partner’s needs are different from her’s. That’s what has her stalled.
But wait a sec. When you hook up with someone and become a couple, aren’t you supposed to be on the same page, like forever? 
Short answer? No. 
For sure a partnership with a spouse is different than our relationships with others. But thinking that once we are married or committed that we are one instead of two is a big fat myth that sells plenty of engagement rings and wedding dresses. And can give us a ton of heartache.
I don’t care if you are newly hitched up or on your way to that rocking chair, it’s bullshit to think that we are limited to that social expectation or let to let that expectation impact our thoughts or our behavior.
In healthy, loving  partnerships, we are always two. Even if we are madly, crazy in love, we are always two. 
I’ve been married for a very long time but I guarantee I wouldn’t have made it to here had I expected to, or been expected to, lose any part of my identity, my needs or my wants, or my self in the deal.
Just. Not. Happening.
My advice to this lovely lady who is feeling stalled? Take action to make yourself happy on your own.
Make a list of what you want to do, and give it a fun name. Reach far as can as you make it.
What would excite the hell out of you? What would you be pumped to tell your friends that you were doing? What would you be so proud of yourself for doing that you would post about it on Facebook?
And do them. Each and every one of the items on that list.
This listener isn’t stalled because she happens to love someone who needs or wants to do different things. 
She is feeling stalled because she’s not allowing herself the freedom to do what makes her happy as an individual. She is stalled by the negative story that she’s telling herself about what it means that her partner doesn’t want to do the same things as she does. 
And as a diy ass-kicker, I’d encourage her to have this very conversation with her partner through a lens of equality and acceptance. Acceptance that each one of them can live however the like, without it meaning something threatening for the other. They could talk about the stories that have been percolating in their brains about why this is weird for them, because there are always two stories. They could acknowledge that wanting to do different things does not need to stall either one of them from growing, on their own or as a couple. In fact they can expect that it will make them stronger, happier, and healthier. 
I’d also throw in some “fun” couple planning and decide what they will do together that would help keep their connection strong.
In relationships, separating the we into you and me is not a negative, unless we tell ourselves it is. Carrying around that limiting belief is what stalls us. 
Here’s the really cool part of all this for the listener. She is now doing some awesome things for herself and is planning more based on what she wants and what she feels she is missing. She is shifting her own limiting story with action. She isn’t staying stalled at all.  
You friggin’ go, girl!