My Thoughts As I Watched Death Arrive

This post might be a little graphic for some of you. But it’s been on my mind and I just have to say it.
I recently watched my mother-in-law take her last breath.

She had been ill for a few months. Fewer than she was letting on clearly.
Then we got that call that you never want to get about anyone you love.
“The doctor says you’d better come quickly.”
So we gathered up our kids, 2 of her adored grandchildren, and sat with her.
Waiting.
Waiting for her to leave this world for whatever awaits us when we pass. Watching as she struggled for those last breaths of life. Waiting for her pain to be over.
I knew what to expect. I held the hand of my own mother many years ago and told her we would all be ok so she could freely leave the human world.
And I knew then, just as I was reminded more recently, that while getting to the end is inevitable and part of life, still I question if the life leaving us in body did all that she was meant to do on this earth.
We hear it all the time. In fact we hear it so much it has become something that we say when we are in that awkward position and don’t know what else to say about death.
Life is short. Our existence on this earth could change in a heartbeat. We only have one life so live it to it’s fullest.

Yet, when I ask most women how they’re doing, or what life is like with something they are tolerating, they answer “It’s ok for now”.

Seriously? In what world does that make sense?
I’m not interested in scare tactics or trying to persuade women to do things they really don’t want to do. There is zero alignment with your deep core if you make changes in your life for either one of those reasons.
I just want to remind you that our lives are not infinite. Or that of our loved ones. As much as my mother-in-law was ready to make the transition from her pain and left as as a magnificent, loving woman, I couldn’t help but take a mental tally of all she had done in her life and wonder what she may have done differently, or what she may have done if she had believed in herself enough to do it.
Our lives become short when we refuse to use them as they are intended for us. As our deep core prescribes them, as our desires yearns for them.

So if you find yourself saying “it’s ok for now” with any frequency, notice it and listen to your heart. Is it really ok? Does “for now” relate to a time frame that you have purposely chosen? What’s on the other side of “for now”?
And when you think back to what you did today, or yesterday, or last month, did you honour those yearning desires, even if they are just for peace and contentment? Can you look at yourself in the mirror and say that you are living as the kind of woman you want to be?
Because “it’s ok for now” can also mean “I’m too scared”, “I don’t know what to do” or “if I say what I want, I’ll upset people around me”.

Please, my loves.
Make your own choices.
Plan your path.
Do what makes you happy in every quadrant of your life, not just one or two.
And always believe that you can.
It’s never too late. The Universe knows you have a purpose and what you need to do to feel fulfilled. It is giving you the time to get there and wants you to ride that wave as far as you can. Until you reach your own point in time when you can say that you are ready to move on to your next life. When you have done all that you have wanted to do, been all that you have wanted to be.

Grab the fucking diem!
Because life is only short when we make it so and in the end it’s about whether or not you did what made you happy.
And because I can’t think of anything much more tragic than getting to the end and not being finished.