Are you feeling overwhelmed? Stuck? Like shit?
How’s that working for you? I say that with all the love because I know women. And I know that even in shitty states of mind, we often can’t admit to anyone including ourselves, the true answer to that question.
Here’s the thing. All our behaviours have a payoff. Something that we get in return for doing what we do, thinking what we think, helping who we help…to name a few of our behaviours. And we, being the humans that we are, are measuring our payoffs all wrong.
It’s kind like when we say “fine” whenever we are asked how we are. Either you are truly fine or, more often, you are not fine. In the later case, you either don’t want anyone to know what you are really feeling, you don’t think you deserve to be heard about what you are feeling, or you don’t understand it enough to put it into words. Just an example here, I’m not encouraging you to start spewing to your neighbours in the grocery store check out line. Remember the words of Brene Brown, we should share our vulnerability only with those who have earned the right to hear it. 🙂
From my years doing this work, I am sure that most of what drives women to their actions, words and behaviours is the influence of outside sources in the form of personal and social demands. Sometimes those demands are directly put on us, sometimes they are (not so) subtly expected of us because of our gender. You know, the whole women as caretaker thing.
Which fucks with our own perception of our payoff. Instead of thinking about what makes us happy, content, peaceful, fulfilled in our very own lives, we are thinking about what we are expected to do. The payoff is about other’s expectations, not on what makes us feel good about ourselves.
And that, my friend, keeps us in the spiral of continually trying to meet those expectations, 9 out of 10 times not being 100% successful.
And that feels like shit.
Time to go deep-core diving!
What (especially if you feel like shit but even if you don’t) are you truly getting out of your behaviours and habits?
Remember, it’s ok to want others to be happy but it’s another thing if you think it’s solely your job to make that happen. The end result is a direct hit to your well-being on every level imaginable, the obvious ones being your physical and mental health. You can’t be a great daughter, parent, friend, spouse, employee, without being great to yourself first.
So, just how often do you feel like shit? Honestly. It’s just you and me here.
Once a month? A couple of times a week? Daily…?
Next question… Are you ready to bring that number down?
Send me an email and tell me how I can help.
xoxo
Dianna
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