Have you ever lost yourself?
And no, I don’t mean in the midst of your favourite store when everything is on sale.
I mean losing who you feel you are.
Most often I hear women say that they get lost when they dive too deeply into supporting, helping, loving and caring for others. They are tired of not being connected to their own needs, but not sure they can just go cold turkey and stop offering themselves so freely to others.
When we’re in that space of figuring it out, know that it’s not just about stopping the behaviour that’s not serving us, (although that’s generally a really great action to take as soon as we recognize it), it’s also about figuring out what parts of you ARE being served by what you do.
Try these questions on for size…
- What needs of yours are being met by being a helper? Deep love for others? Values of kindness, generosity, and compassion?
- What fears are you able to avoid by losing yourself for someone else’s needs? Fear of the backlash of saying no? Fear of what your life might look like without helping others? Fear that you don’t have the confidence to do other things that you would really, really would love to do, maybe just secretly because they are that big.
- How might I accept all that I need, want and desire, and offer myself a re-design to make that happen?
You know I’m a big believer in diy ass-kicking, and losing ourselves in our caregiving roles is a great place to start for us women.
Getting Find Your Voice, Save Your Life launched has taken tons of time and energy from me for the past few months, and I couldn’t have done it if I had kept up all my previous commitments to others. I had to give myself a re-design that allowed me to do some of all I want, because putting this healing book out into the world with such an awesome group of women was that important to me.
Ps you can check out Find Your Voice, Save Your Life and get your own copy here!
So how about you give yourself even just a little bit of time to reflect on those questions above?
Reflection is simply noticing and asking yourself the question why at each level you dig down to. Remember that reflection is something we do without feelings of judgement, guilt or shame creeping in to the picture. If they do, just acknowledge them and jot them in the margins of your reflection.
So run a hot bath. Grab a bevy and your journal. Jump in and just start.
Because even though we are called to be the helpers that we are, there is no room for losing ourselves in any role we play. We are just far too valuable, don’t ever forget that.
What there is room for is recognizing what we need, want and desire.
And then offering ourselves a loving re-design.
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