Hey diy Ass-kickers
Women come to me for coaching when they can’t seem to make their lives the way they want them to be.
It’s not that they don’t know what they want, or even how to get it. They just can’t seem to make it happen.
Some of that is about knowing how to get there and learning the skills/tools that will help. The rest of it is about fear.
We are all familiar with the fear of challenging the status quo and disappointing someone or creating conflict. And we probably can recognize the fear of being shut down or called out. And there is the fear of taking the risk of feeling smaller than we do already in any given situation.
But then there are times when the fear is about challenging yourself. It’s a fight between the person you want to be and the person who are now, a fight that perhaps has been going on your whole life.
Here’s what it can look like…
You call yourself out, and not in a healthy way. Thinking you need an “ass-kicking” becomes literal, you think you need to get your shit together, and generally think of yourself as being not good enough today and probably tomorrow. Your self-deprecation continues because your behavior never changes.
You don’t stick to the lifestyle plans (nutrition, spirit, body movement, etc) that you think will work best for you. You know full well what they are and can get excited about the tools that can support you, but you just can’t seem to ever make them stick.
You don’t stick to the lifestyle plans (nutrition, spirit, body movement, etc) that you think will work best for you. You know full well what they are and can get excited about the tools that can support you, but you just can’t seem to ever make them stick.
You do far more work outside of yourself than inside. You avoid the inner work as much as possible because you know how friggin' hard it's actually going to be and how much your perceived “safety” is at risk. And you are ALWAYS there for other people, hiding out there at times because on some level you think it’s what will make you feel better about yourself.
You stop giving a shit about all that is you, and your inside and outside show it. There is no room for much positive, certainly no perspective changes, and wallowing with ice cream is sometimes the very best you can do. (PS: There is nothing wrong with wallowing or ice cream as long as they are brave and honest choices made from understanding who you are and what you need, rather than wanting to numb out. When they are, you’ll notice how your choices become more and more self-sustaining.) Most of the time you are great at hiding what’s underneath all of that but people who know you can see right through to your conflict.
Be super clear about this, girls. Contrary to popular belief, when the battle continues and you can’t work your way out of it in a way that moves you forward, you are not lazy and this is not about your lack of discipline. There are things in your way that are keeping you in the place you are now, whether you want something else or not.
I don’t know about you, but the energy that we use to battle ourselves is exhausting. How about you try this?
Stop fighting. Stop judging one side over the other. Stop hating yourself a little more each time you miss a beat.
Start merging both sides into one. Simply start.
If you hate being in conflict with yourself, make who you want to be WHO YOU ARE. Tweet that!
I bet you know who you want to be, and that you think about it every single day. And then somewhere, you decide that making it all happen is simply too hard.
I’m not going to bullshit you and tell you that starting to act like you matter…like you come first …is easy. But after working with women as long as I have, I can tell you that it’s completely doable. Your past does not need to be your future.
Today, tomorrow, or next week, what your life looks like is entirely up to you.
Even if you think for now that it’s others controlling your life and you’re not convinced that it’s actually you.
Even if you’re not ready to stand up publicly and declare the you’re living life on your terms only, and if other people don’t like it, they can shove off.
Even if you can only think of one thing you might want to change to be the woman you want to be, that’s enough.
You can still become that woman.
Take that one thing as a start, or challenge yourself to think of 3 actions, behaviors or attitudes/perspectives that fit with the woman you want to be. Just what would she be doing, saying, or feeling like? Then give yourself the next month to try them on for size.
You’ll be clearer about what you need to be that woman. And you’ll be behaving like you are that woman. And no, you’re not always gonna rock it and it’s gonna feel super uncomfortable in the beginning. And yes, that means making mistakes and learning from them, rather than making them mean something about you.
Most of us know exactly what we want in our lives. So take the time to write it down! What you know about yourself to be true, what you want, what you don’t want, and what you need. What would the women you want to be do for others? What does she say no to? Let your brain, heart and soul take you wherever it will take you.
Lay it all out, then lay it all on, baby. Go little, go big, or go somewhere in between.
You’ve got a whole month. And I can’t wait to hear how it goes!
This is diy ass-kicking from a loving place, not a I-hate-parts-of-myself place. This is how we get past the fight that goes on within. This is you understanding yourself enough to create your best life, no matter what that looks like.
Because we both know that the fight within us is one we and only we can win.
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