It’s not always about the demands of others

Hey diy Ass-kickers!
We talk a lot on this blog about getting to the point where we feel tapped out, completely full of the demands from others who want us to do more for them.
And we’ve talked a lot about how that leaves us feeling. Resentful and pissed come to mind right away.
We decide that they are wrong to ask what they have asked, to expect what they do, to not have their shit together enough to take care of themselves. Even from our place of simply wanting to be a good person, we know when enough is enough and are sure the blame lays with the asker.
But what if it wasn’t about those other people at all? What if it didn’t matter how many times someone thinks you should come to their rescue, or fix a problem for them?
Sure, sometimes itisabout others (yes missy, there are aholes in the world who struggle with their own boundaries or lack thereof!) but it’s way more about us.
It’s about how we interpret and internalize other people’s behaviour, actions or words.
I totally get it, and have been there myself. We all want to feel needed, and loved, and appreciated, and frankly there is no shortage of people around us who need a hand. And given all that, it’s fucking hard to say no. But what makes it so hard, especially when we know it’s something we don’t want to do?
Get clear about your motivation!
Who is the person you think you need to be so that you are accepted and liked by people around you? What are you saying yes to in order to keep the persona up?
​​​​​​​(If you say you never fuss about being accepted and liked by any other people, I’m calling bullshit.)
When you feel like you are being taken advantage of, what are you making it mean about you?
Feeling angry that someone is asking too much of us isn’t about their ask, it’s about our answer. And that answer needs to come from our inside.
Put a name on the value you have that makes you want to be all and everything to the world around you. Then decide where your boundary needs to be to keep you doing what is important to you without losing your shit over someone’s ask. (Hint: start with your time commitment to helping and the kinds of help you like to give)
Because being strong in our resolution to be true to ourselves, no matter what, means feeling no pressure to conform, no overwhelm that leaves us resentful, pissy and leads us right into someone else’s drama show. In our perfectly imperfect lives, you may still fuss some but you will make healthy choices about how you act on it.
And when you’re clear about how you wanna play this out, look at yourself in the mirror and practice the loving way to express your new position.
Wrap your lips around this one simple word. If you have to, surround it with a “thank you” but definitely without an explanation. Here it is…
NO.