Hey diy Ass-kickers
As this life goes, I am clear on my commitment to two things.
One, that I am a diy ass-kicker. I know that my happy existence is based on how I perceive and create my own experiences. The more I take responsibility, the better my life is.
And two, I am not prepared to take shit from anyone, for anything. I have had my past years where I responded to others' needs before my own and refused to let my own voice be heard. Not anymore, even if that means that people leave my life (or I leave their’s) and take with them a different perception of me than I do.
Putting those two things together in a fashion that supports us on a day-to-day basis can be a scary prospect. But sometimes, circumstances demand a response in the moment and we have the choice to speak as we always have (assuming that’s working for you) or to speak our own truth.
So I’ve put together a few common scenarios that I’ve heard from women in my coaching practice, along with a response that will get you started on a path of a self-determined “I can handle this”.
Don’t be fooled. I’m not telling you what to say to anyone else that is challenging you in a way that you’re not good with. I’m giving you examples of what to say to yourself.
Because once you start working for yourself, understanding what you want and how you want it to play out, you will know exactly how to handle a sticky situation with others. It may be messy, but it’s all your’s!
Here goes…

1. What to say to yourself when your friend doesn’t seem as interested in getting together as you do…
I am clear that spending time and energy on my relationships is my call. If I want someone in my life, I need to work at it. If I don’t, I need to be honest about that. I will not judge them for their behavior or assume that they are feeling negative about me. I will have the conversation, even if it’s by email, to ask what might be in the way for them and how can we make our relationship work to satisfy both of us.

2. What to say to yourself if you feel as though your intimate partner is being a dick…

I acknowledge my own feelings in this circumstance but I can still respect and appreciate other’s intent. I will be clear about what I truthfully need in this moment and going forward.

3. What to say to yourself when your family or those close to you disappoint you.

Like me, everyone around me has their own baggage and their own way of handling good or not so good issues. When I respect them and their positions, I am respecting my own.

4. What to say to yourself when someone you like very much has political beliefs that stab your values in the junk.

I can respect someone else’s positions and their right to have them, just as I expect them to respect mine. It’s important, especially during this time of political and racial unrest that we accept people for who they are. Judging others just isolates us, and does not bring us together. I don’t have to agree, nor do I have to participate in any advocacy other than what I truly believe in.

5. What to say to yourself when you are faced with feelings that you would much prefer to ignore…

As shitty as this feels, I love myself for all of what is part of me and in front of me. Since I know that avoiding bad feelings just means that they will come back to haunt me, I will carve out time and intention to allow myself to feel what I am feeling. I will also let my feelings flow when they are there, not compartmentalize them into another thing on my to-do list.
How about you, lovely? I bet you’ve got plenty of situations that you have made work for you.
Care to share? What did you say to yourself that propped you up, rather than kept you down?
And how did you feel afterward?
Fucking delicious????