I recently celebrated 34 years married to the same guy.

I know! Holy shit, huh?

It actually looks much longer written down then it feels in reality!

I was 22 when we met, and I can honestly say that didn’t know squat about myself, my needs, or what I wanted from life. Self help?

Huh?

I didn’t get into this relationship with a complete and full understanding of it’s dynamics, or any of the things that could have been an issue between us (age, life experience, education, to name a few).

I went with my gut, it felt right so I stayed. 

34+ years later and for the most part, I think I have my personal shit together. Self help. Check.

Tons of personal reflection. Check. Learned the hard way about how to live in peace with myself before anyone else. A daily practice.

No more blindly ignoring what I need, or even recognizing that I have needs. My eyes are now wide open. 

And I like what I see.

I like the man I share my life with.

I like the life we have created.

I like it because it represents what I need and want.

Relationships are never one sided, they are shared experiences based on what each of us values and needs to feel supported and committed.

In my relationship, we know what each of us needs and wants because we talk about it.

We talk about our plans for the future, our dreams, our realities, and our vision for getting more from this so-very-short life of ours.

And most importantly, we talk about ourselves…a lot actually.

What we need from ourselves, what we need from each other, our fears and our struggles.

We talk until we feel heard, and yep, sometimes that can include being all up in each other’s faces when necessary. Making things a big deal when they are a big deal to either of us.

As rough as all that can feel at times, I am grateful for the understanding of myself and the courage that has brought me to this place, this quality of relationship.

This isn’t a post about how to keep a marriage together.

It’s yet again my message to you that if you want happy in your life, in relationships or out, learn about what rocks your life.

Then open your mouth and ask for it.

Don’t hold back. Don’t tolerate. Don’t lie to yourself. tweet

That so-very-short life applies to you too.

Do you want to spend it in contentment? Or do you want to spend it worrying about when the next bullshit drama will take place in your relationships?

Where do you need to start talking?