Setting boundaries is a great practice. Especially when people expect or even demand too much of us.
If we’re clear about what boundaries we need in place to be happy and stay energized, we can make our choices based on those boundaries so we actually can feel the goodness of them and enjoy a life that’s planned around keeping us strong.
But sometimes, even when we have set boundaries for what we’ll do or not do in the course of our days, we are still challenged to ignore them.
That’s when we start to negotiate, not with the person challenging us, with ourselves. Yep, sounds weird, right? Seriously, we women do all the time.
Negotiating with ourselves keeps us forever considering the value we place on a line in the sand boundary. Do I really need to be that rigid? They need me. I can do this one thing.
Why is it so hard to hold our ground when we’re challenged to ignore our chosen boundaries?
Because boundaries are solid lines. The very nature of a boundary suggests that it’s firm and unshakable. And if we want to honour a solid line, we need to be able to say a solid “Hell no!” We need to be firm and unshakable for ourselves.
Don’t get me wrong here. I am the queen of wavy lines that adjust with what I think I need in each moment. I can figure it out. No problem. Let’s just get it done.
For quite some time, and even sometimes now, I’ve been fooled into thinking that all that wavy flexibility is good for my spirited personality, and had no ill effect on my energy. I was wrong.
Guess what? Messing around with our honest, heartspace determined boundaries and decisions only zaps more of our energy, piling on the exhaustion we probably already feel. It’s us taking time to question and wonder and worry, and question some more if we need that boundary, if we need to be that firm, if we need to put ourselves first. The process of questioning ourselves is what makes it so exhausting. Sure not everything is black or white but when it comes to our precious energy, we should be.
The one person that we need to trust to be whole, energized, loving women, is ourselves. That means we need to push away from the negotiation table and stick to what we know will build us up rather than take a chunk more energy we can’t afford to part with.
Get clear about your boundaries and say that “Hell no!” when they get challenged.
You are the last defense of that precious energy of yours, don’t negotiate it away.
Dianna xo
